Duck! It's the holidays

Dear Friends in Christ -

On Thursday, I read a fairly amusing and very helpful article in the New York Times about the relational stress that we face over the holidays. (see http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/19/garden/19manners.html?pagewanted=3&_r=1). The helpful part was the article tells the truth. The article bravely names some of the bad behaviors that cause breakdowns and subtly invites us to realize and take responsibility for our parts in relational tensions.

The most difficult part necessary for peacemaking is left unaddressed by the author, however. And that part is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process - a process that begins with telling the truth. And sometimes with making a strong - though sometimes unpopular - move to establish clear boundaries and right the situation.

In the Gospel lesson in today's daily readings, Jesus talks about the importance of forgiveness. And he says there are consequences in leaving forgiveness undone. Really, we know that without his telling us, don't we?

Following is today's reflection from Forward Day by Day, which was helpful to me in thinking about the issue of forgiveness. Helpful to me, personally, and hopefully helpful to you, too, in preparation for the arrival of family and friends during this holiday season.

Blessings,
Janet+

A Reflection on Matthew 18:21-35:

To forgive is as important as to love. Jesus makes forgiveness a radical new imperative. It deflates the "eye for an eye" mentality, and it makes holding grudges unnecessary.

It is so important Jesus includes it in the prayer he teaches the disciples: "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." It is the only condition placed on God's mercy. We must forgive one another from our hearts: as we have been forgiven, we must forgive.

This is easier said than done. We build walls around our hearts when we are hurt. Saying to someone who apologizes "Okay, I forgive you," but in a tone of anger or insincerity, does not make for absolution for the offender or for us.

If we need time to process both the hurt and the apology, that is okay. Forgiveness is too important to minimize. But leaving someone hanging indefinitely is not godly behavior, either. Restoring a right relationship is worth the time. Healing two hearts at once can be the most loving act we ever accomplish.

And because we are human and sinful, we will have lots of chances to practice forgiveness.