Guilt . . . or something else . . .

Dear Friends in Christ -

I had missed a few days of seeing the online Advent calendar at www.trinitywallstreet.org/advent, so I spent some time catching up today, opening each window, listening and watching as I sipped my morning coffee. The power and tenderness of watching several of these pieces in a row really blew me away.

It took me a while to be able to put a name to the feeling that I have watching these pieces about "creating the Kingdom of God." At first I thought the feeling was guilt. I have so much more than the people shown in these videos. When I hear these stories, I want to give money to help in all of these places. I can't.

And then I realized, it's not guilt I feel. I'm not failing these people by using resources to pay my bills and take care of my children. But I do feel something . . . the feeling I have is one of LONGING. I long to see health and education and beauty and freedom and joy come to all these people - and to me and my family and my neighbors down the street in my own neighborhood.

There is a difference between me and the people in these interviews: they have a clear mission, something they're pouring themselves into. If we listen carefully to their stories, we hear that there's a very personal connection that makes the particular ministry they're working in personal to them.

And I'm sitting here thinking to myself: what is it for me? What's my personal connection to the world that would help me to profoundly connect to make a difference?

And then it hit me: I am involved in something. Here at St. Paul's, we've been working with other churches in our Deanery to build a church in Tacusa, Ecuador. It's not a project I chose; Ecuador is not a country I've been to yet. But then something else hit me: the reason I feel so passionate about building this church is that in Oregon, I used to work with migrant farmworkers from Ecuador.

Recognizing the personal connection opens up my heart, gives me new energy for the work, pressed me on.

What's your personal connection? How are you connected to a place (and a ministry) where you might help create the Kingdom of God?

Faithfully longing,
Janet+